Naljanurk

[chi]

Another little johnny joke
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Little Johnnie's neighbour had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born
without ears.
When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie's family was
invited over to see the baby.
Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and
explained that the baby had no ears.
His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the
baby's missing ears
or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they
came back home.
Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely.
When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby."
The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnnie."
Johnnie said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, A
cute little nose and really beautiful eyes.
Can he
see?"
"Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will
have 20/20 vision."
"That's great", said Little Johnnie, "coz he'd be fucked if he needed
glasses.


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A doctor and a lawyer
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.

Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.

After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.

The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.

When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

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No to war!
A soldier came at a fork in the road ans saw a nun standing. Out of breath he asked, "Please Sister, may I hide under your skirt for a few minutes? I'll explain later." The nun agreed. A moment later, two military police came running along and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier running by here?" "He went that way," the nun replied. After the MPs disappeared, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, "I can't thank you enough Sister, but you see- I don't want to go to Iraq." The nun said, "I think I can fully understand your fear." The soldier added, "I hope you don't think me rude or impertinent, but you have a great pair of legs!". The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls... I don't want to go to Iraq either."

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a plane had fallen in desert, only 3 passengers lived, they found Ala'adin lamp in the desert, so they rubbed it, the Jeni appeared & told them you "you have 3 wishes"

the american passenger said "i want to go home", so Jeni teleported him .
the french passenger said "i want to go home", so Jeni teleported him .

the last passenger (from the same group of 1st joke) said " dogs...... , they left me alone, they betrayed me, ....................... ok ok , Jeni, bring them back here"


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rants: eve and adam [closed mind people... go away]

If you want another version of Adam and Eve that will bring a smile to your lips, check out Mark Twains version of the Genesis Story:

Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was "DON'T!"

"Don't what?" Adam replied.

"Don't eat the forbidden fruit," God said.

"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit?

"Hey Eve...we have forbidden fruit!!!!"

"No way!"

"Yes way!"

"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.

"Why?"

"Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants. A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked! "Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.

"Uh-huh," Adam replied.

"Then why did you?" said the Father.

"I don't know," said Eve.

"She started it!" Adam said.

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"DID NOT!"

Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY!

If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen years telling them to sit down and be quiet.

2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.

3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young!

4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

6. We child proofed our homes, but they are still getting in.

ADVICE FOR THE DAY! Be nice to your kids....they will choose your nursing home.

AND FINALLY: IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:

"TAKE TWO ASPIRIN" AND

"KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN."

[chi]

Bad Boat (Warning: Sexual Content in this Joke)
Dave walks into a bar and sees John sitting at the end of the bar counter with a great big smile on his face Dave says "John what are you so happy for?"

"Well Dave, I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat, and a redhead came up to me... tits out to here, Dave, tits out to here! She says "Can I have a ride in your boat?" I said 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out, Dave. I turned off the key and I said 'Its either screw or swim!' She couldn't swim, Dave, she couldn't swim!!."

The next day Dave walks into a bar and sees John sitten at the end of the bar counter with a bigger smile on his face. Dave says "What are you so happy about today John?"

"Well Dave... I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat and a BEAUTIFUL blond came up to me... tits out to here, Dave, tits out to here! She said 'Can I have a ride in your boat?' "Sure you can have a ride in my boat." So I took her way out, Dave, way out much further than the last one. I turned off the key and I said 'Its either screw or swim!' She couldn't swim!!, Dave, she couldn't swim!!!!."

A couple days pass and Dave walks into a bar and sees John down there cryin over a beer. Dave says "John, what are you so sad for?"

"Well Dave, I gotta tell ya.... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat, and the most desirable brunette came up to me... tits WAY out to here, Dave, tits WAY out to here. I had more wood than my boat does. She says "Can I have a ride in your boat?" "Sure you can have a ride in my boat. "So I took her way out, Dave, way WAY out... much further than the last two. I turned off the key, and looked at her tits and said 'Its either screw or swim!!'. She pulled down her pants.... she had a dick, Dave!!! She had a great BIG dick!!! And Dave, I CAN'T SWIM!!!"

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Holmes and Watson
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?", Holmes ask,

Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Why, what does it tell YOU?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot. Some jerk has stolen our tent."

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Seven Wonders Of The World
A group of students were asked to list what they thought were the current
Seven Wonders of the World. Though there was some disagreement, the
following got the most votes:

1. Egypt's Great Pyramids
2. Taj Mahal
3. Grand Canyon
4. Panama Canal
5. Empire State Building
6. St. Peter's Basilica
7. China's Great Wall

While gathering the votes, the teacher noted that one quiet student hadn't
turned in her paper yet. So she asked the student if she was having trouble
with her list. The girl replied, "Yes, a little. I couldn't quite make up my
mind because there were so many."

The teacher said, "Well, tell us what you have, and maybe we can help." The
girl hesitated, then read, "I think the Seven Wonders of the World are:

1. to touch
2. to taste
3. to see
4. to hear
5. to feel
6. to laugh
7. and to love

The room was full of silence.

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are you married?

Husband and wife are in bed together. She feels his
hand rubbing her
shoulder.

She: "Oh, that feels good."

His hand moves to her breast.

She: "Gee, honey, that feels wonderful."

His hand moves to her leg.

She: "Oh, honey, don't stop."

But he stops.

She: "Why did you stop?"

He: "I found the remote.

[chi]

Midagi huvitavat, koomilist ja tõetruud seekord...
PS: rate asemel oli küll teine sõna, mida ma enam ei mäleta, kuid kõik need rated on üksteise koopiad, niiet see ei oma suurt tähtsust.

I’ll explain how Rate.ee works in the most honest terms you’ll come across:

* You sign up for an account. You put in some bullshit quotes and little blurbs about yourself, like you were making a singles ad. You are in a way, because you’re about to whore yourself out to the lowest bidder.

* You include pictures of yourself. You only pick the “best” ones. You also include every single picture you’ve ever appeared in, just to show strangers how outgoing you are. Girls will show off their body and clothes, and guys will show off their cars and the girls who just made a profile. They know you. They went to school with you. They own the right to be in the same picture as you, because they are popular.

* You include every aspect of your personal and professional life on the profile. Your schools, where you work, your relatives, address, phone number – anything you would be terrified of if someone got a hold of. Don’t be afraid though, this is the Internet! No bad people on the Internet to abuse the system, ever.

* You start looking up your friends. You know, those people who sometimes call your name if you’re in viewing range. Once you see their Rate.ee profile, you add their friends, because shit – you’re FRIENDS too

* You look up the definition of the word ‘friend’ and realize you are so very fucking wrong

* You start to join the ‘clubs’ or groups of people with similar interests. No need to look hard though, there’s a group for everything. You can even make your own. You are now “An employee of Dunder-Mifflin!” but what about the other 37 groups with the same name? Dunder-Mifflin must have a lot of branches, then. +1 to originality.

* You friend writes on your “wall.” They say something meaningful like “OMG I haven’t seen you in ages! We gotta hang out soon!” Weird, eh? Last time I checked I hung out with my friends all the time. In fact, we were having so much fun hanging out that we forgot to not see each other in ages.

* This little light bulb goes off in your head about every person you’ve ever met. Is my ex-boyfriend on Rate.ee? How about that boy that sexually assaulted me? How about my abusive uncle? Wow, they’re all here! I can’t wait for them to know my every waking moment thanks to my friends writing on my wall about every breath I take.

* You start adding everyone, ever. You try to complete your entire high school by clicking every fucking piece of blue text imaginable. You feel so liberated when that bully that beat you up apologizes 9 years too late. It’s so easy to apologize over the Internet than it is to be a real person and do it in person with some heart and soul.

* You begin to electronically stalk your friends and people you hate. You can’t stop checking their profile on a daily basis. You start to feel nauseous when you’re waiting for their weekend pictures to be posted on Monday. You get butterflies when you start to see their innermost personal life displayed for all to see. You don’t notice you’re a victim too, since there’s no way to track who’s looking at yours.

* You can’t sleep at night until you check every profile ever. You start to get a slight buzz when you find out that your worst enemy hurt themselves while on vacation. You get chills down your spine when you hear the pity in their writing and you like it.

* You start to use Rate.ee wall writing as a substitute for MSN Messenger and email. You write very personal plans and thoughts to your ‘friends.’ Funny, if you wrote any of that stuff in an email and someone read it, you’d be mortified and feel violated. You equate wall writing to leaving “voicemail”. Since everyone else is addicted to Rate.ee, of course they’re going to see it in minutes.

* You don’t remember the last time you spoke to a friend on the phone. Why bother? Rate.ee is 24/7 free and no long distance. Voice? What’s that? You can hear their voice in their pictures of them holding their drinks. You can, can’t you…?

* You start using Rate.ee as a filtering service for your entire life. You start to judge people’s worth based on their profile. How many books they have read? What do they listen to? Is their life quote deep or just funny? Does it change every day? Oh my god, this person likes dogs too! Must be a great person…!

* You start to wonder who’s watching your profile. You make changes to your profile to appeal to everyone alive. You become a generic version of yourself. You’re afraid to express yourself because maybe…JUST maybe the love of your life will hate you because you don’t like dogs. You now love dogs. You love everything. Everything you hate is now “all right!” and everything you love is now “cool.” Spread yourself thin, because that’s the way to bring people closer to you.

* You notice that Cindy has 137 friends. You’re a few short of that number, so you start adding your cousin’s school friends. Seems logical, seeing as you’re both alive and on the same planet

* You run into someone you Rate.ee with in real life. They start to tell you about their life and events, but you already know everything. Who needs human contact and conversation anyway? Seems useless, you can barely listen to mp3s while talking at a bar. That Gwen Stefani’s not gonna listen to itself, you know. This person you barely know is now congratulating you on your new job. Seems totally appropriate, seeing as they don’t know what fucking colour your eyes are, or, you know, anything else.

* You read something on some website that says that if you spent as much time on Wikipedia as you did on Rate.ee, you’d be one of the most knowledgeable people alive and actually contribute to society

* Your attraction to the opposite sex quadruples. Guys that have no balls or personal skills are now chatting you up on Rate.ee. They’ve seen you drunk in pictures and now they want to be beside you. You love the attention and check your profile every chance you get. You have just found the ultimate dating service – the kind that violates every privacy act and human rights issue known to man.

* You don’t remember that last time you used MSN Messenger thanks to Rate.ee. You always login on invisible mode, so you don’t have to talk to anyone. You decided that MSN is just a great address book for people you hate. You read somewhere that you should delete people you don’t talk to, but then the list would be 4 people long! The horror! There's no need to address your insecurities about your social life, really.

* You start to believe your own Rate.ee profile. You become more fake and more ‘fake outgoing.’ You change your little status message to alert everyone about your Cuba vacation and any every fucking minutia imaginable. The best part is that since anyone can read this, thieves know what you’re up to and break into your house without incident. The insurance company laughs at you and calls you an idiot. I am not far behind.

* You die, finally. No one notices because you weren’t there to post that as your status message. The end.

I hope you’re beginning to see the light. This is your life, and it’s ending one click at a time. Rate.ee brings out the worst in people. You put so much time and energy into something that makes you a worse person. Do you WANT this? I’m surprised you’ve made it this far into the article without changing tabs to check if someone wrote on your wall…

I no longer have a Rate.ee account. Mine lasted all of 12 hours before I came to my fucking senses. People kept adding me, writing messages, asking me computer questions, flirting…go away. I don’t know you, and I don’t want to. You didn’t talk to me years ago, you have no right to talk to me now. I will not make an account. Your pretty little ‘school collection’ will never be complete without me. You will not be my buddy, and I will not ask your girlfriend about her new job. You won’t see me there, period. I am a popular dude on the Internet, but my private life is just that. You will not know things about me, and that’s how I like it. Privacy is the ultimate freedom that we are granted in life, and you fools are giving it away.

I want to be able to meet someone new and learn about them as nature intended. Ever occur to you that Rate.ee has a more complete and dynamic personnel tracking system than the CIA does? Works really well if you’re a total loser and have no social skills.


I, as a human being, implore you to stop using Rate.ee. Delete your account. You’ll be surprised when no one even notices. It is one of the most evil devices ever created and it’s destroying your life. You are hopelessly addicted and it will be the end of your natural life. I guarantee if you can make it 2 weeks without it, your life will become better in every way. Please share this article with everyone and see if it raises any concern – you’ll be surprised. And ashamed…and you should be.
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[chi]

The amish family
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.

The lad asked, "What is this, father?"

The father (having never seen an elevator) responded, "I have no idea what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.

The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother.

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A man was walking along a California beach.....
A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old
lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie
said, "OK, OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah blah blah!
This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of
these wishes so you can forget about three of them. You only get one
wish!"

The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always
wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick.
Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to
visit?"

The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible. Think of the logistics
of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific?
Think of how much concrete ... how much steel! No, think of another
wish."

The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he
said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said
that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could
understand women... know how they feel inside and what they're thinking
when they give me the silent treatment... know why they're crying,
know what they really want when they say 'nothing'... know how to make
them truly happy."

The genie said, "You want that bridge with two lanes or four?"

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Don't try this at home folks
A redneck wanted to learn how to sky dive. He got an instructor and started lessons. The instructor told the redneck to jump out of the plane and pull his rip cord. The instructor then explained that he himself would jump out right behind him so that they would go down together. The redneck understood and was ready.

The time came to have the redneck jump from the air plane. The instructor reminded the redneck that he would be right behind him. The redneck proceeded to jump from the plane and after being in the air for a few seconds pulled the rip cord. The instructor followed by jumping from the plane. The instructor pulled his rip cord but the parachute did not open. The instructor, frantically trying to get his parachute open, darted past the redneck.

The redneck, seeing this, yelled as he undid the straps to his parachute, "So you wanna race, eh?"
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[chi]

1) A man says to his wife, tell me something that will simultaneously make me happy and angry. She thinks for a second and replies, "you've got a bigger di*k than your brother".

2) Why wasn't jesus born in New Zealand?
Because they couldn't find a virgin or 3 wise men.

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A virgin girl asks her boyfriend to come over and have dinner with her parents.

Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms.

He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.

He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack.

The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door.

"Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated.

The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend:

"I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back:

"I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."

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Dumbest Blonde Joke Ever
A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she accidentally cut off a large truck. The driver was outraged and was eventually able to make her pull over. He got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket.

He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to the blonde in his most threatening voice, "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE!"

He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats. When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said, "Oh you Think that's funny? Watch this!"

He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car. When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face. Now he's getting really mad. He gets his knife back out and slices all her tires.

Now she's laughing.

The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to his truck and gets an extra can of diesel fuel, pours it on her car and sets it on fire.

He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down. "What's so funny?" the truck driver asked the blonde.

She replied, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle!"
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[chi]

O and o
Two guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court
before the judge.
The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and pursued them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday."
Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one,
"How did you do over the weekend?"
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."
"17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?"
"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: O o and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle)is your brain after drugs."
"That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?" (to the 2nd guy)
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."
"156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that!"
"Well, I used the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and
told them,
"This is your a**hole before prison...."

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XXX For Adults Only...

A Saudi being interviewed at the US Embassy

Consul: "Your name , Please?"

Saudi : "Abdul Aziz"

Consul: "Sex?"

Saudi: "Six Times a Week"

Consul: " I mean Male or Female ?"

Saudi : "Both male & female & sometimes even camels "

Consul : " Holy Cow "

Saudi : "Yes , Cows and Dogs too "

Consul : "Man,isn't that hostile?"

Saudi : " Horse Style , Doggy Style , any style"

Consul : " Oh Dear!! "

Saudi : " Deer? No Deer , They run too Fast ...!!


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Living in 2007 YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2007 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you. Don't we just!

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn round to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. " border="0" />

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

14. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list

15. What worse is that NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself cause you know its all true...
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[chi]

Aunt Mary
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg laying hens.

One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the pickup when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess."
"And what's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.
"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"
"Very good," said the teacher.


Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too.
But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, don't count your chickens before they're hatched."
"That was a fine story Sarah.."

"Michael, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Mary. Aunt Mary was a flight engineer in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all sh e had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."
Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"
"Stay the fucking away from Aunt Mary when she's been drinking."

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Jesus and Saint Peter are golfing. St. Peter steps up to the tee on a par three and hits one long and straight. It reaches the green. Jesus is up next. He slices it. It heads over the fence into traffic on an adjacent street. Bounces off a truck, onto the roof of a nearby shack and into the rain gutter, down the drain spout and onto a lilly pad at the edge of a lake. A frog jumps up and snatches the ball in his mouth. An eagle swoops down, grabs the frog. As the eagle flies over the green, the frog croaks and drops the ball. It’s in the hole. Saint Peter looks at Jesus, exasperated. "Are you gonna play golf?" he asks "Or are you just gonna fuck around?"

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Top 10 reasons to go to work naked!
10. No one ever steals your chair.

9. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.

8. Diverts attention from the fact
that you also came to work drunk.

7. People stop stealing your pens after
they've seen where you keep them.

6. You want to see if it's like the dream.

5. To stop those creepy programmer
guys from looking down your blouse.

4. "I'd love to chip in...
but I left my wallet in my pants."

3. Inventive way to finally meet that
'special' person in Human Resources.

2. Can take advantage of your computer
monitor radiation to work on your tan.

And...drum roll...
the Number One reason to go to work naked :

Your boss will never say,
"I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!" ever again.
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[Random]

Kondine tüüp ja musklimägi on baaris. Musklimägi on ennast pildituks joonud. Kondine mees virutab musklimäele rusikaga näkku. Musklimees ärkab üles ja küsib: "kes seal on?"
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[acousmatique]

[cenorig]

[Random]

Vabandan. Vaadake kellaaega. Ning see nali on pärit Andromeda nimelisest ulmesarjast ja kui ma seda nalja nägin, naersin hilise õhtutunni kohta ikka võga kõvasti.
_________________

[Ummi]

Oh, lahe, juhtmenali.
_________________
baka pole surnud, me postitame siia peaaegu iga kuu

[Amaya]

A little girl and her mother were out and about.

Out of the blue, the girl asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?"

The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older."

The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?"

Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up."

The girl, still wanting to know about her mother, then fired off another question, "Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"

The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."

The little girl, frustrated, sulked until she was dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consulted with her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation.

The girlfriend said, "All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother's driver's license. It's just a like a report card from school. It tells you everything."

Later, the little girl and her mother were out and about again.

The little girl started off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You're 32 years old."

The mother was very shocked. She asked, "Sweetheart, how do you know that?"

The little girl shrugged and said, "I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds."

"Where did you learn that?"

The little girl said, "I just know. And I know why you and Daddy got a divorce. You got an 'F' in sex."


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On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

The kid replies, "Yeah."

The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike."

The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.

The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."

The kid continued, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."


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While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people.

Bush asks how she knows if they're intelligent.

"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."

Bush watches as the Queen phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question: your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"

Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am."

"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"

Bush nods: "Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"

Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he'd better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. Bush summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, "Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."

"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"

Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Helms hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?"

Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior Republican senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.

"Now look here, son, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."

Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!"

And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, you dumb shit, it's Tony Blair!"


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Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so St. Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"

The first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell-but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge, and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."

"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.

The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.

"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."

Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.

The third man came to the front of the line, and again the whole process was repeated. Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.

"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding naked inside a refrigerator..."
_________________
Just because you're necessary doesn't mean you're important.

[chi]

parachutes
An aircraft is about to crash. There are five passengers on board, but unfortunately only 4 parachutes.

The first passenger says, "I'm Jonny Wilkinson, the best flyhalf in Britain. The English need me; it would be unfair to them if I died". So he takes the first parachute and jumps.

The second passenger, Graca Machel, says, "I am the wife of the former President of South Africa. I am also the most dedicated woman in the world." She takes one of the parachutes and jumps.

The third passenger, George W. Bush, says, "I am the President of the United States of America. I have a huge responsibility in world politics. And apart from that, I am the most intelligent President in the history of the country and I have a responsibility to my people not to die." So he takes a parachute and jumps.

The fourth passenger, the Pope, says to the fifth passenger, a ten year old schoolboy, "I am already old. I have already lived my life, as a good personand a priest I will give you the last parachute".

The boy (fifth passenger) replies "No problem your popeness, there is also a parachute for you. America's most intelligent President has taken my schoolbag..."

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Silly Old Men
A 90-year-old man went to his doctor for his annual checkup. The doctor
asked him how he's feeling. The 90-year-old says, "I've never felt better.
I have an 18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think
about that?"

The doctor considers his question for a minute and then begins, "I have a
friend who is an avid hunter and never misses a season. One day when he
was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella
instead of his gun. When he got to the creek, he saw a prime beaver
sitting beside the stream of water. He raised his umbrella and went, 'Bang, bang
and the beaver fell over dead. What do you think of that?"

The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else shot that beaver."
The doctor replied..... "My point exactly."


i am pretty sure you will got pluzzled face for a few second.

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Blonde Joke!!!
Once upon a time there was a blonde with long hair, blue eyes, she was sick of all the blonde jokes.

One day, she decided to get a make over, so she cut and dyed her hair.

She also went out and bought a new convertible.

She went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep.

She stopped and called the sheepherder over.

"That's a nice flock of sheep.", she said.

"Well thank you.", said the herder. "Tell you what. I have a proposition for you.", said the woman.

"Okay.", replied the herder.

"If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?", asked the woman. "Sure.", said the sheepherder.

So, the girl sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied, "382".

"Wow.", said the herder. "That is exactly right.

Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take home."

So the woman went and picked one out and put it in her car.

Upon watching this, the herder approached the woman and offered, "Okay, now I have a proposition for you".

"What is it?", queried the woman.

"If I can guess the real color of your hair... can I have my dog back?"
_________________
AutoIt Script | Anime-Source | Watchanimeon

[chi]

The Mistress
A husband and wife are having dinner at a fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open-mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away.

The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who the hell was that?"

"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."

"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife.

"I've had enough, I want a divorce."

"I can understand that," replies her husband,

"but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris , no more wintering in Barbados , no more summers in Tuscany, no more Infiniti or Lexus in the garage, and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."

Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.

"Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife.

"That's his mistress," says her husband.

"Ours is prettier," she replies.

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I dont know if this is funny enough, buy here goes


An elderly man in North Carolina had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up really nice, along with some picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. When he came closer, he realized it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end to shield themselves.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The old man frowned and replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."

Moral of the story: Old men may move slow but can still think fast.

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EDIT:
The Proxy Father

The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, ''I'm off. The man should be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby ********her rang the doorbell. ''Good morning, madam. You don't know me but I've come to....''

''Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you,'' Mrs. Smith cut in.

''Really ?'' the ********her asked. ''Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies.''

''That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat. Just where do we start?'' asked Mrs. Smith, blushing.

''Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out.''

''Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me.''

''Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.''

''I hope we can get this over with quickly,'' gasped Mrs. Smith.

''Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure.''

''Don't I know!'' Mrs. Smith exclaimed. The ********her opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. ''This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London.''

''Oh my god!!'', Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.

''And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'' The ********her handed Mrs. Smith the picture.
''She was difficult ?'' asked Mrs. Smith.
''Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look.''

''Four and five deep?'' asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.

''Yes,'' the ********her said.

''And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in.'' Mrs. Smith leaned forward.

''You mean they actually chewed on your, eh......equipment ?''

''That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work.''

''Tripod??'', Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried now.

''Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action "said the photographer, who came to offer some pfotoshooting. Madam ? Madam?..... Good Lord, she's fainted!''
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[chi]

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Impossible to Please

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

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Clever teacher
A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.

"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever."

A smart ass guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

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A Teacher lecturing on population in
India -
Teacher : In India, every 10 sec a
woman gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up : we must find &
stop her!

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Sardarji was filling up application
form for a job. He was not sure as to
what to be filled in column "Salary
Expected".
After much thought he wrote: Yes!

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Sardar told his servant: Go and
water the plants.
Servant :it's already raining.
Sardar: So what? Take an umbrella and go.
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[chi]

Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose
this horrible looking thing is what
you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon
sir,thats a mirror!

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Sardar was writing something very
slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so
slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old
son, he can't read very fast.

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Blond Jokes
A Little Off
A blonde walks into a appliance store and walks up to the counter. She asks the clerk if she could purchase that tv. The clerk tells he "sorry i cant sell that tv to a blonde."
The blond goes home and dyes her hair brown and comes back. Again the clerk tells her "sorry i cant sell that tv to a blonde."
The blonde goes home again and dyes her hair red and comes back. Again the clerk tell her "sorry i cant sell that tv to a blonde." The blonde asks him how he knew she was a blonde and he says "because thats a microwave."

Trucker Tales
As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load!"

He ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load!"

Shaking his head the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window and as she lowers it, he says? "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Canada and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"

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Doctor's Office
A Brunette rushes into a doctor's office one morning in incredible pain.

"Doctor please help me, I don’t know what wrong with me," says the brunette " Everywhere I touch on my body hurts."

"Well can you show me?” says the doctor.

The brunette touches her ankle and screaming in pain, then she touches her stomach and screams in pain, finally she touches her arm and starts to cry.

Doctor replies "Your not really a brunette are you?"

"No I dyed my hair, I’m really a blonde" says the woman.

Doctor replies, "I thought so, because your finger's broken"

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Ice fishing
A blond wanted to go ice fishing; so, after reading many books on the subject and gathering all of the necessary equipment, she made for the nearest frozen lake.

After positioning her comfy foot stool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, as if from the sky, a voice boomed out, HEY, YOU, THERE ARE NO FISH THERE!

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a cup of cappuccino from her Thermos, and began to cut another hole. Again, a voice boomed, THERE ARE NO FISH THERE!

The blonde, now worried, moved to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and once again tried to cut the ice hole. Once more, the voice said, THERE ARE NO FISH THERE!

The blonde stopped, looked skyward, and said, Who are you, God? The voice replied, NO, I AM THE OWNER OF THIS Stadium!
_________________
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[chi]

Dead birdie
One day, a blonde and her friend were walking through the park. Suddenly, the blonde's friend said, Oh, look, a dead birdie. The blonde looked up and said, Where?

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New Jersey Hunters
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

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The Koala and The Lizerd

A koala is sitting up a gum tree smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past, looks up and says "Hey Koala ! what are you doing?"

The koala says: "Smoking a joint, come up and have some." So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a few joints. After a while the little lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river. But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.

A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the little lizard: "What's the matter with you?" The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink. The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the rain forest, finds the tree where the koala is sitting finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "Hey you!"

So the koala looks down at him and says: "Fuuuuuu -ck dude....... how much water did you drink?!!"
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Eyesight
This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?"

The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: "Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight.
_________________
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[chi]

Urges
A new Marine Captain was assigned to a camp in the Afghanistan desert.

During his first inspection of the camp post, he noticed a Donkey hitched
up behind the mess tent. He asks the Sergeant why the Donkey is kept there.

The nervous sergeant said, "Well sir, as you know, there are 250 men
here on the post and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have "urges". That's why we have Molly The Donkey."

The Captain says, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about "urges", so the Donkey can stay ."

About a month later, the Captain starts having his own "urges". Crazy with passion, he asks the Sergeant to bring the Donkey to his tent.

Putting a ladder behind the Donkey, the Captain stands on the ladder, pulls his pants down and has wild, insane sex with the Donkey.

When he's done, he asks the Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?"

No not really, sir... "They usually just ride the Donkey into town where the girls are."

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Son of a b*tch


Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."

Priest: "What have you done my child?"

Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."

Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"

Girl: "Because he touched my hand."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."

Girl: "Then he touched my breast."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)

Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"

Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

Girl: "But father he had AIDS!"

Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"

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A Christian Story
One day a priest took a ride on a taxi. The car crashed and both the driver and the priest went to heaven. When they entered the gates both men got luxury estates. But, the priest noticed that the taxi driver’s estate is bigger.

He asked God “Why do I have a smaller house? I was a priest!”

God responded “Your preaching made people go to sleep. But when the taxi man drives, people always pray for me!”
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Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker function and begins
to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only R1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007
models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "R390,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing...the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking

R2,950,000" for it.

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of R2,800,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra R150,000 if it's really a pretty good price."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.

He turns and asks:
Spoiler:
"Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
_________________
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[acousmatique]

Üleskutse. EI-TALLINNALE.

Kutsun inimesi üles koguma allkirju, et valitsus kehtestaks kõigile tallinlastele väljasõiduviisa, mille alusel võib tallinlane külastada maksimaalselt 3 päeva teisi Eesti omavalitsusi. Väljudes viisa alusel Tallinna piiridest, peaks iga tallinlane registreerima ennast külastatavas omavalitsuses ja andma oma DNA-proovi ja sõrmejäljed kohalikule politseile. Oodatud on ka teised ideed.

MIKS SEDA VAJA ON?

1. Tallinlased on kõrgid ja ülbed.
2. Suurem osa kuritegudest sooritatakse tallinlaste poolt, seega tuleb peatada kuritegevuse levik väljaspoole Tallinnat.
3. Tallinna linnapea seisis tegevusetult ajal, mil tallinlased ja neile appitulnud kvislingid maakonndadest laamendasid pealinnas. Seega on karmid väljasõidupiirangud hädavajalikud, et laamendamise maitse suhu saanud tallinlased ei tuleks oma laamendamishimu rahuldama teistesse Eestimaa linnadesse.
4. Tallinna linnapea võitlus alkoholiga tõestab seda, et tallinlased on valdavalt alkohoolikud -- nende liikumine teistes maakondades võib seda katku levitada. Neil on isegi päris oma ja väga vänge, 50 kraadine liköör nimega Vana Tallinn. Mitte ühelgi teisel linnal ei ole omanimelist alkoholset jooki.
5. Tallinlased reostavad loodust. Praktiliselt kõik Tallinna ümbruse elanikud ägavad tallinlaste ökoterrori all. Reostatud rannad, prügi täis metsad ja teepervel vedelevad loomaraiped on tallinlastele igapäevane nähtus. Pudelite ja muu prahiga ümbritsetud teed on tõestuseks tallinlaste barbaarsest suhtumisest loodusesse.

Need olid vaid mõned valupunktid ja põhjused miks ei tohi tallinnlasi linna piirest välja lasta.

Kutsun inimesi üles arutelule ja lisama oma kogemusi tallinlaste terrorist
ja hirmutegudest meie armsal Eestimaal.
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☞ [...LIL B MIXTAPE PLAYING VERY LOUDLY...] ☀